Inevitable

Just 5 weeks until Vancouver Marathon.

I find myself in as much discomfort as last week after doing something innocuous... buckling my daughter's ski boots.

While I know I'm healing, I also know that I am far from feeling good.  I went for a run.  Wanted it slow and easy, to build my base back up.  But I'm still having issues with hard breathing.  I don't know if I'm going to be able to get many +30k runs in between now and race day.  I'm content with my speed, but not at all happy about the miles I haven't done.  

Life is so unpredictable.

On a slightly unrelated note, a friend recently said to me, "XXX was inevitable."  I replied, "what does inevitable mean?"  (Yes, I do know what it means).  The friend went on to say, that there was only ever going to be the one conclusion.

I don't like that.

I don't believe in inevitable.

I don't believe in destiny.

I suppose in life, if something was inevitable, what would we do differently?  I'd think, everything.

Instead we are fortunate that nothing in life is inevitable.  Take running for instance, especially a marathon distance, there are so variables.

Training is all about minimizing the bad, while enforcing the good.  We train for months and try to prepare our bodies for the 26 miles, but then it all may boil down to how much water we drank, how we slept or something as silly as wearing cotton socks instead of "tech" ones, which is a true story of a friend that ended up with blisters and bloody feet :P

So when I hear "inevitable", I think back of the days when I was one of the slowest kids in PE.  I'm sure many thought it'd be inevitable I'd stay the slowest.  I'm no speed demon now, but I can certainly hold my own.  But I'm not out to prove to those people or anyone, I'm out to prove to myself.

I'll end with a nice inevitable quote:  "At first, dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and eventually inevitable." - C Reeve

Calvin and Hobbes

I laid back this week. No running. I feel good most of the time, but sneezing and coughing can make me sweat with pain.

Bev, invited me to the Long Table @ The Irish Heather. Not one to turn down a delicious meal with good company I said "yes". As luck would have it, John Hill was also invited. John espoused some of his nuggets of wisdom. "Running is different from most other sports. It takes no skill, it's just how much pain you can endure." Also, on a (partially) unrelated note, he said I should take some ibuprofen and then go for a long run on the weekend. Yikes!

So I did. It went well, well, maybe not well, but better than I thought. My innards bouncing hurt, but what really hurt was deep breathing, with the hills being the real test. I'm not a "hills" person at the best, but add the lung expansion and contraction, you get "owwie!!!"

I try to take this in stride. How lucky am I that I can run, with only a little discomfort. TLT told me about a funeral she was at last week, male, 43 years old, two kids. That's me.

TLT asked, "why do you want to live longer?" I said, "I don't want to live longer grasping on to life. I want to live life."

Sure I'm riding a wave of mid-life crisis fitness, but with a history of father, grandfather, and great-grandfather not making it beyond 70, I've got less days in front of the cart than behind.

I remember telling Fil, many times, I'd be happy, just so long as I have my memories. But when I see the ravages of Parkinson's on my friend's father, I'm no longer thinking that. Sure memories are important, but I don't want them of watching the latest sitcom, I want memories of people, places and experiences that make me richer, that fill me with the excitement and passion.

A lot has happened to me since I made the original statement to Fil. As Calvin said to Hobbes, "It's a magical world, let's go exploring."

Running Tunes

(Note: This posting was supposed to come out before Setbacks... Again!)

I generally don't listen to music when I run. I enjoy the purity of getting attuned to my body and the different sensations that go through it. Appreciating the moment. However, the last few weekends, I've been away, and needed to resort to treadmilling for my longer runs.

Running on a treadmill is nothing like the outdoors. I'd take a nasty day running outside than inside on a treadmill. But sometimes, running on the same spot for 2 hours is more convenient than finding a 12 mile route around Sun Peaks at 8PM.

On my iPod, I have a variety of songs, most of them are pretty fast paced, but occasionally I'll throw in a slow one, for a change. But the one constant of my songs are the lyrics. I love songs that tell a story or have something deeper to offer than a good beat.

My All-Time Top Running Songs:

Bleed it Out - Linkin Park: I gotta admit, the lyrics aren't about running, they're actually about writing a song(?!?) But with lines like "I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away" and "F*ck this hurts, I won't lie, doesn't matter how hard I try", how can a runner not like this song?

Mr Brightside - The Killers: This song is very special to me. RVM played this song as I started my inaugural marathon. I originally thought part of the lyrics were "I just can't run, it's killing me", so I was relieved to find out it was look. It's a great story nonetheless, two-word synopsis: unrequited love. I have a thing for sad/depressing songs and this one, despite the good running beat, fits the bill. Oh, and I love to sing this for Rock Band.

Brilliant Disguise - Bruce Springsteen: This is a weird one. It's fairly slow, but I just love the story. I remember when Springsteen engaged, married, and divorced Julianne Phillips. The story starts off with woman that on the outside shows what everyone expects her to be, a loving wife, but she is having doubts about her marriage/love. But then the story takes a bit of a turn, when he, admits he is living the lie and has the same doubts.

Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down: Similar to Bleed it Out, this one has nothing to do with running hard and/or being Superman, it's a about drug addiction. But nonetheless, I like to fool myself about the lyrics and apply them to my run.

I change up my tunes from time to time. For instance, right now I have a bunch of Green Day (She, makes honourable mention) and Maroon 5 (Won't Go Home Without You). While I'm far from being a iPod listening runner, I do recognize they have a time and place. "If I ever am a hypocrite, it only proves I am still thinking." - Gordon S

Setback... Again!!!

If you've been following my blog, you'll know that for the last 5 weeks or so, I've had a tough time putting in consecutive weeks of mileage. Cold/flu/calf/Whistler/Sun Peaks, but it all was all coming to a head and there seemed to be a clearing. Well almost...

This past weekend we stayed at Sun Peaks from Thursday - Sunday. While I was looking forward to the fun snowboarding weekend, I was also looking forward to having the end so that I could start my regularly scheduled running.

I suppose this is where planning doesn't help. I'm a planner. I made plans for a sub 3:40 VIM, but then I get it yanked from under my feet, literally.

I was racing my snowboard trying to play catchup and I cut a gate too close. But instead of falling like I have a hundred times before, I fell hard on the side of my ribs, I sat on the snow and couldn't breathe. I thought for a moment that I'd be blacking out. But after awhile, I was able to do short gasps. I figured I was going to live and had only bruised my ribs. 3-4 weeks for recovery!

This is the second time in a few months where I have been dealt a major setback.

It's challenging for me to deal with... making plans for a goal, seeing it in my sights, but then have it yanked away just as I get near it.

I hurt. I hurt when I walk, shower, or even sleep. I don't know when I'll be running again. But one thing I do know, I will get up, brush the self-pity off myself and enjoy what life has to offer. So for planning, maybe I'll take a piece of a Bushism: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me... You can't get fooled again."

Gattaca

I love watching movies. Funny, action, fantasy, or even an occasional girly movie like Julie & Julia. One of my favourite movies is Gattaca. It is a story, set in the future, where parents can engineer the DNA of their child to make them more or less perfect. Most parents then decide to make their children perfect, but not all. One of the normal kids, Vincent, grows up and is relegated to second class status. His brother Anton, on the other hand is engineered. What Anton can't understand is why he always loses in their swimming contests, which is to swim out as far and fast as they can in the open water. Vincent answers, "You want to know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton: I never saved anything for the swim back."

That's what I felt like after my last tempo run. Three weeks ago, JH assigned me 9 miles at 7:45 pace. I didn't hit it. I finished at a 7:47 pace. I hadn't done a tempo since, so when I received my new homework and saw 11 miles @ 7:45, I was anxious. Friday was a beautiful cool day and I managed to eek out a successful run. But In the end, I was pretty exhausted. I felt just like Vincent.

That's been my running philosophy...

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart" Confucius

Setbacks

I'm sick and tired.

Literally. The past couple of months, I've been dealing with a nagging calf pain. I tried running through it, but it seemed to come back with a vengeance so I broke down and booked an appointment with my physio. I was very relieved to hear him say I had a build up of fluid and I'd need to stop running for a few days and RICE it. I was anticipating a longer downtime, but a few days... no problem.

So I was going to take a bit of time off, but even as I started my rest, I felt a cough coming on. The cough became a cold, which became body aches, stuffy nose, and to top it off, my lower back is hurting so much that it's preventing me sleeping.

It's the Tuesday before the Historic Half Marathon. I'm more sick than healthy. My body hurts, so much so that I had to ask my girls to stop when we walked back home today so I could catch my breath. Not the stuff of PBs.

It'll be 3 weeks since I have been able to run. I had a great taper planned, based on some new strategy. I'm a little saddened, that I won't be able to run the race of my life, but having said that, I am determined that I'l go out and race the best that I can do.

The Olympics are a treat to watch... especially since it's going on in our backyard. Jenn Heil was the picture of class. Many favoured her to win Gold for the Women's freestyle. She had a great run but finished in second. After the race, the CTV reporter asked how she felt losing the Gold, she replied that she won the Silver. She went on to say how she was boosted by the fan support. In short, just a great athlete and role-model.

--

I am back from racing the Historic Half... PB all the way!! :)

I went out at a conservative pace and slowly chipped away and finished my first Half at sub 1:50, heck, it was a sub 1:49 at 1:48:42. I'm happy. I'm happy I put myself out there and risked a non-spectacular run.

I'll end with another quote:

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." MLK Jr

My Secret

While out for a run, I was talking with my buddy about a book, The Secret. The Secret is, if you want something enough, you'll get it. She mentioned that she knows someone who was very disappointed when she wanted/wished for something, but it didn't come to fruition.

Really!?!

How can someone really believe you can wish for something, and it happens? That'd be like a Disney fairy tale... go to bed and find your Prince Charming. It's not wishing that makes something come true, it's the changes in yourself that allows for new things to happen. Life doesn't happen to you, you need to make life happen. You open yourself up to changes that lead to a positive affect, some can be subtle, some needs to be drastic.

In the last year, I've been focussed on doing Boston. I don't have a secret. If there is one, I don't know about it. But after years of floundering, I've now completed runs that awhile ago, I would have wished I could have, but I'm doing them through hard work, pain, and suffering.

In the past year, I've turned to healthier eating. Lost ten pounds (on top of the 14 I had lost a couple years earlier). I started attending yoga regularly to work on my core. But, probably the most significant change has been taking part in JH's clinic. Before, I thought I was pushing myself, but the interval training we do has taught me I need and can dig a lot deeper.

So yeah, I guess that's the secret, dig deep.